ne opet...

Bilo je ljeto.. u to sam siguran... bližio se mrak... trajekti u luci.... Split... pozdravljali smo se.. za kratko...mislila si...znao sam...da nije. Nisam htio reći...ja i moje sumnje. Bili smo u pravu. Neko drugo vrijeme..slika je ista. „Nemoj brijati“ kažeš...drugi je film... misliš...a ja opet znam. I opet šutim... A bit ću u pravu, čini se. Opet.

She said to me over the phone, she wanted to see other people....
I thought: „well then, look around... they are everywhere“
Said that she was confused...i thouth: „darling, join the club....“
27 years old, mid-life crisis nowdays hits you when you re young...
I hung up, she called back, i hung up again..
The proces had already started...at least it happened quick...
I swear i died inside that night...
My friend, he called, i didnt mention a thing...
The last thing he said was: „...Be sound...“
Sound.... I contamplated an awful thing, i hate to admit
I just thought those would be such appropriate last words...
But I am still here, and small, so small...
How could this struggle seem so big?
So big....While the palms in the breeze still blow green,
And the waves in the see still absolute blue...
But the horror...every single thing i see is a reminder of her...
Never thought i would curse the day i meet her...
And since she is gone, and wouldnt hear..who would care?
What good would that do?
But I am still here....
So I imagine in a month or 12... i´ll be somewhere having a drink...
Laughing at a stupid joke...or just another stupit thing...
And i can see myself stopping short...drifting out of the present...
Socked by the underthow, and pulled out deep...
And there i am standing, wet grass and white headstones, all in rows...
And in the distance...there´s one...off on it´s own...
So i stop....kneel...my new home....
And i picture a sober awakening...a re-entry into this little bar scene....
Sip my drink till the ice hits my lip...order another round...
And that´s it for now...sorry...never been too good at happy endings..

Neki nevažan detalj, pjesma ili miris...Poput Prousta. Slike kao u dugometražnom filmu se poslože... Zagreb... Parking, perivoj, ulica, duga i vijugava. Nebitno. Bio sam hrabriji tada kada sam otišao, nego danas... Ostavio sve..
Sječam se tih, bezbrižnih osmjeha.. „ UVIJEK S MALO PREMALO PARA“...
I ljudi... ti prekrasni ljudi. Ostat ću nedorečen. Na papiru... U meni sve je jasno.